So I Was Looking For God Right...

So I was looking for God right, & I first encountered toys, I thought my search was over since I felt so many joys. I grew tired of Batman figures, and wanted something better, so I was led to TV & I was glad I met her. She brought me Power Rangers, X-Men & Spider-Man, but little did I know it wouldn't contribute to me becoming a man. I still stayed interested cuz new shows kept appearing, I didn't know I was in a vast forest with no sing of a clearing.

In my search I was led into school, I thought all these new kids were nice…cool! Then I became the victim of jokes & rude comparisons, Pillsbury doughboy, Korean War veteran. My slanted eyes were the butt of countless jokes; if their meanness was Facebook I'd have hundreds of pokes. I was led from school to the street, pistol pumpers & base pushers, funny they can do that but not be stroller pushers. I left that alone & turned my search to food, I ate often especially when I was in a bad mood. My search led to more ridicule & shame, I never got to play at recess so I wanted out of this game.

My search led to self consciousness next, I couldn't stand myself so how could anyone else? The search for God led to high school, predominately catholic, I didn't like that religion, plus my mom wouldn't have it.

My search for God led me to my "family", funny those the same people that abandoned me. Where was God? I could not see, now I'm in Ohio State…oops my bad I forgot to say THE. I searched for God in girls, but God wasn't between their legs, next thing I know I'm more lost & I begin to beg. God where are you? I need a sign, no hope, & damn, I used my last lifeline. I turned my search to green & by that I mean money, made me feel good till it started actin funny. Disappearing and its name ain't Houdini, got me pissed like Scarface if you pronounce his name wrong sayin’ Al Pacini. My search turned to weights & they've made me bigger, but this course hasn't made God come any quicker.

I go to bed lost, wake up feeling like Tom Hanks in Cast Away, money's low so Wilson is the only way I'll ball today. I wanna give up, then I look into the mirror & it hits me… I never needed to search, so all of you should say like I am that God is in me…

**Fueled by passion, driven by pain before I die the world will know my name**

- JioVanni

$ Problems

**First I wanna thank you for takin' the time out to read this Joint, without you my ideas couldn't get out. Enjoy...**

Bill collectors call you constantly but they can’t reach you because your phone is cut off, you look around for help from people you held down but they’ve all vanished like their experiencing their own holocaust. All hope seems lost; everywhere you turn people want your paper, feeling like committing a crime so your mind runs through many scenarios of successful capers. There’s one problem, in order to rob a bank you can’t get away on a bus, I mean you can but you won’t get very far. You’re Penniless robbing a bank & too poor to afford a getaway car. “Anytime you need me, let me know.” Then when you ask for assistance, everyone CAN’T do anything for you, how convenient… You lost your jobs due to personal circumstances, you had another one lined up but you didn’t like it, so you didn’t show up & you blew your chances. Weeks have gone by & you feel more & more inept, raging in your room waiting anything but patiently on that check.

Electric is due but you have a roommate who miscalculates the amount, so when you pay & he comes back askin’ for more you wanna knock his ass out. More preoccupied with having his head up his girl’s ass rather than handlin’ business, but who are you to talk? You buy useless things instead of paying the bills, so basically bills are your wife but extravagance is your mistress. Things aren’t taking off like you thought they would given the current time, brain is on fire but these issues make you lose your mind. iPod broke that you paid $349 for when it was in its prime, the only thing that keeps you from snapping is the quest for the light that’s lime. Then the deposit of the check is somehow irregular you only find out cuz you called, the muthafuckas were not gonna tell ya.

What can you do when a bitch owes you money & won’t keep her word when SHE named the day you could come to collect, “You shouldn’t call her a bitch.” Nah, not tryin’ to hear that you just wanna know where the money’s at. That’s what you get for loanin’ money to a bitch rather than a sister, a sister keeps her word, a bitch won’t let you know she had the payment deferred. No medical insurance so you gotta pay a bill that’s near a $1,000 dollars, & then you owe two friends $200 apiece & you feel like such a leach but at the same time you’re mad @ yourself cuz you hate to ask anyone for anything, not cuz of pride but for the simple fact that money & friends are like oil & water, the thing that would make this situation a lil better is a vacation in California. How you gonna go when you don’t have any money to hold ya?

You pray but it seems it doesn’t change the time frame in which the outside circumstances move, but when you say that statement the “holier than thou” folks say “ooooo”. It’s not a lack of faith, just a statement in bad taste, a tasteless attempt to rid the sour taste in your mouth, cursin’, fumin’ & yellin’ all unintelligible so people think you’re from the South. Not a diss it’s just hard to understand what they say, you feel it too cuz you’ve been talkin’ a lot but no one understands if you can’t pay.
& people love the almighty dollar when it can cause this much pain, not me, I look upon it with disdain…

**Fueled by passion, driven by pain before I die the world will know my name**

- JioVanni